The Limbic Dog -
| a very valuable understanding... |
 |
The benefit: 'The Limbic
Dog' provides an understanding of what can happen when someone has
been in an untenable situation for a very long time and then they
finally get the relationship they want. It isn't what
you'd think.
A common thought is that once a bad situation turns around,
once we get what we want, once we are heard and fully seen and
accepted and there is a sincere apology, we can easily forgive, we
can easily let bygones can be bygones, we can move
on. I have found, however, this may not be the case,
and it may make a world of difference in your relationships to
understand this.
Years ago,
I read about this dynamic in The Ghoraa and Limbic Exercise ,
by Majid Ali, M.D. His books are intriguing (and a little
hard for an extremely left-brained person like myself to follow
sometimes!) In his book, he relates a story of 'The Limbic
Dog.'
At the time, I didn't understand the story. I didn't
believe the story. I hadn't lived the story. Since
then, I have experienced the story personally and I have seen it
repeatedly in abused horses. So now I get it. I'm
hoping it helps you to have this information, too.
Here's the spoiler: sometimes, instead of feeling loving and
forgiving, we are filled with rage and hate.
In the horses, they come shut down. This is because, for
them, it is preferable to shut down and live rather than stay open
and fight to the death. So they shut down and live to fight
another day. They stifle it. All the rage and anger
and hatred, they stuff down to appease the aggressor in their
life. And they go on.
Then one day they are no longer so good, they bodies are stiff
and broken down from the bad deal they've been in, and they get passed along and our paths
cross.
It may take awhile, but before long, they understand that I am
communicating with them. For some horses, this is one
of those 'aliens-are-real' moments.
At first they aren't so sure it's for real, so they tenuously
test the waters. But when they are sure they are safe,
that's when things get dicey. That's when they start to
unload. And unload and unload and unload. (!)
Everything that got stuffed
down now comes out. (Well - I have a hope that it's not everything;
I have a hope that the processes I use allow for this process to
neutralize and alleviate some of the pain and be shorter rather than longer!) But the point is, what went
in, needs to come out. And what comes out can be very
unpleasant. But the in order for there to be healing, there
really isn't the option to keep it stuffed in there and out it
comes. And I, as the 'trainer,' have to be the one to catch
it with as much loving attentiveness as I can muster, so that it
becomes neutral -- so that the charge on it
dissipates.
Generally, what comes out is appropriate to the strength of the
relationship.
And I say this for those of you who may be in relationships in
which you've lost some of your power or your independence or your
autonomy or your self-respect or your principles or what ever it
may be that you've felt you've compromised and over time you've
had to shut down for the sake of going on.
It's not like you set out to do this. Over time it
happens because there is a hope that the relationship will turn
around. And it may well be that your lizard brain made a
deal - shut down and live today to fight tomorrow. It's a survival
strategy.
If this has happened, and you suddenly find yourself in a much
better situation, if the relationship has turned around, if your
partner has admitted the error of their ways and begged
forgiveness, if you feel safe and loved enough, you will find
layers of 'The Limbic Dog' in your own psyche.
This is your psyche's way of healing. It's your psyche's
way of restoring the bond between you and your partner. It's
your psyche's way of balancing out the karma.
And it can be seriously puzzling that this happens. It
doesn't make sense. But if you know about it, it's not quite
so off-balancing.
Thankfully, this story is also online at Dr Ali's website: http://www.majidali.com/ghoraa.htm
The article is long, so please have a look at it on his
site. It starts with:
The Limbic Dog
A boy brought home two newborn puppies,
one was white and the other gray. He fell in love with the
white puppy. He put the gray puppy in a crib and held the
white puppy in his hands. The white puppy kept his eyes
closed. His skin was soft and his hair snow-white and
delicate. The boy petted his white puppy until late
evening hours. Then he asked his mother if he could put
his puppy to sleep in his own bed. His mother smiled and
told him that was very dangerous. The puppy could be
smothered by him in his sleep. The boy understood that and
gently put the puppy in his crib.....
|
Links & Books:
|
